Just What I Feel...

It is just a random post. No need to take too much. 'Cause it is too much.

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Sometime people see me as a good one. Sometime as a bad one. And sometime, as a weird one. This feeling, I could not understand. But this is what I feel. People will say, "It is not something to be thinking about." But what should I do? He's already stuck in my head. Who is he? I think you've known. He's someone that I cannot reach. I, cannot, reach. It is normal for us, as a teenager, to have this kind of feeling. But who will make us feel so? It depends on yourself. Including myself.

I never meet him. He never meet me. I've ever see him, everyday. But he never see me. Then, how does the feeling appear? I don't know. I really don't know. He just got my attention, about in the end of 2009. He's just, unusual. The way he sings, he plays the flute, he jokes, he cries, I just like it. Well, the most interesting is the crying part. 'Cause I never know any boy who dare to cry hard but my lil bro. And I think, that's how I like him. From his tears. A bit weird? Well, I'm weird, indeed. And he started to affect my mood. I could cry, laugh, even jealous and angry 'cause of him. Then, people start to see me, as a possessive one. Possessive, to someone that I could not reach. And that's how, people judge me as weird. They started to call out a-fake-disturbing-name. A joke, and laugh appear. But they never know what I feel inside, right?

Those things happen for more than a year. But who cares? He has already protected me, from having a boyfriend, doesn't he? I don't have to have any boyfriend, 'cause I have him. Though we never meet, but he never fail to make me happy. And that's the important one, right? Happiness. For me, he's more than a-mood-maker. He makes me know, how to take care my heart, before I give it to someone that I do really love. Do you want to know how?


By loving him.

And for now, it is enough.


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Random. See ya at the next post! (3 posts at November? So many la..)

Never Ending Padzjazz 2010

Eight days ago, should be my big day. Our big day. Padmanaba Jazz 2010, my first time to be EO. But what should I do? A day before, Merapi mountain got a big eruption. It caused an ash rain around Jogja. And of course, we cannot held such a happy event during the accident. Then, the committee leader, decided to cancel the event. Disappointed? Of course. But yeah, how can we hold a happy event while the others are suffering?

I was crying that time. Well, who wasn't? But happily, all of the money that we have had will be given to our friends who are suffering because the Merapi eruption. And now, I realize, that's the point. It isn't for our own happiness, but for others. And that's what human do, right? Just be grateful for all you've got and be whole-hearted for all you've lost.

By the way, November! Chen Ge's birthday has passed. He's finally reached 30. So old la. But it's okay, as long as his heart is still young! Next: Yan Ge! 20 November, birthday concert, he'll play guitar! Finally! I know he has learned it a year a go but never show it. That's way I'm so excited. Hope he'll give his best performance.

Well, enough for today. See ya!